I don’t know why I’ve been acting bipolar lately.

I’m moody.

Quiet.

Angry with myself.

Hostile.

Wanting to be alone.

Wanting to be wanted.

Wanting to not be responsible.

I think I’m going crazy.

I honestly don’t know what’s happening to me

and I’m tearing up now for no apparent reason.

What is wrong with me.

I really hope I’m ok.

Things are slowly sorting out themselves.

It’s no longer about confusion and insecurity about the future.

It is probably about the clouds that my parents are placing above my relationship.

I can be happy.

I am grateful for so many things.

In fact, I wanted to write a list of things I’m grateful for this year 2010.

But now, I just want to hide in my room.

Watch The Lovely Bones again

and rock myself to sleep.

I really shouldn’t be like this.

I just don’t want any trouble when it comes to love.

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The Heart

is a funny, complicated, silly thing.

It makes us impulsive.

It makes us irrational.

It makes us ecstatic.

It flutters.

It breaks.

It heals.

I’ve seen it a million of times before.

A friend of mine broke down and started crying in college because he was looking through a blog he and the ex created.

I still remember what he said when we tried to encourage him to eat.

“I can’t. It just taste like rubber bands.”

He impulsively booked a ticket to Melbourne/Tasmania to see her after his Work&Travel USA.

He asked our friend to help him apply for a tourist visa.

When he came back from USA in Sept, he had a change of heart.

His heart healed.

What happened to the plane ticket?

What happened to seeing his ex-lover?

And now, he’s posted up pictures of another girl.

My point is the first month is always the hardest.

It will get easier.

Sooner or later,

you will find someone else.

A replacement.

Better or not, that’s what you should be concerned about.

But when you do, examine your heart and analyse whether your ex-lover is still inside there

because there’s no point damaging another person’s present heart condition,

who’s ready to surgically open his/her’s and give what’s left of it to you.

You’ve been there.

We’ve been there.

It hurts even more when the heart is in two places.

It doesn’t work that way.

You’re not the one winning this time.

Ok. Yes, I gossip.

All girls do.

But please don’t treat me like I’m some spy or some CIA Agent.

How many decades do I have to prove myself to you.