I don’t know what I want.
How immature.
It’s just that she gets mentioned
and I can’t help but compare which holidays or birthdays were more enjoyable.
How immature.
I get so bitter about it that I wish the whole nation would go to hell.
How immature.
I just want to get rid of all this negativity and the idea of her.
Wishful thinking is meaningless.
In the end, all I know is that I love you.
I don’t feel good about this. At all.
I know its the “right” thing to do.
I deserve this.
And so does he.
I hope I won’t regret this for life.
I hope everything will fall into place.
We deserve happiness. Especially him.
I’ll always be your’s.
Your ming a ling.
What do you do
When you’re no longer content?
When you thought after all this, everything will be fine and it’s not?
When you’ve changed?
When your friends have changed?
When it’s normal to cry at least three times a week?
What do you do?
Us fighting constantly.
Everyday, it scares me.
It’s confusing and I change my mind a thousand million times.
How I did not know the dynamic changed so long ago astounds me.
Before it happened.
Before she happened.
Now only bitterness charges up my heart.
This path only leads to the putrid side of love.
I am afraid.
It can only go uphill.
He sniffed her up. Gently.
She didn’t dare to move.
It was as if she had no choice.
Close to the yellow putrid liquid.
He cherished in every daylight.
Caught up in his words.
She never met his actions.
We shan’t look at the picture.
We shan’t analyse.
She chewed her lips.
permanently.
I wonder when my love will fade and I wonder when my heart will grow cold.
I fucking knew it.
Why did you have to prove me right?
Where do these instincts lead me to?
I enter the gray weather.
You had to mess with my saliva.
No wonder, it was a fluke.
No more questions.
No more pleads.
No more riding over me.
The heartbreaker came to visit me.
She asked me what I wanted.
I gave the cliche answer, ‘peace’.
It was the truth.
It came from the heart.
Surely, she didn’t listen
and the waves came.
I didn’t give a reason.
I don’t want an apology.
I don’t need facades to make me happy.
Pray tell me, how am I suppose to feel as your lover.
As your friend.
As a human.
Please shut me out.
For your sake.
All you wanna do is cry and show off your tears.
But no it doesn’t happen.
No one would understand why.
He instructs you to go to a corner and hide in the wall’s shadow.
There you go. Mute on purpose.
Self-disclosure, a sign of distrust.
A sign of ignorance as well.
The disclaimer never came and everything was in order.
For once.
